Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
