Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
