Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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