I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
