the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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