Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
