Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
