so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
