I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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