True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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