She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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