Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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