we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
