i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
