ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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