left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
