you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
