Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
