Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
