She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
