you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
