I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
