That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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