I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
