i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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