Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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