so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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