New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
