she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
