Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize