What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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