You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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