sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
