then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
