are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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