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i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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