then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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