Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize