Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
