I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
