Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
