Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
