so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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