he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
