You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
