My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
