I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
