Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
