He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
