roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
