New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
