your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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