we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
