I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
