apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
