I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
