he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
