I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
