how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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