stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
