Cold hands, warm shart.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize