JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
