I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
