I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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