it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
