is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
