I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
