I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
