That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
