Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
