Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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