They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize